


This is Getting Riddikulus

by fandomfix



Series: you'll make your real friends and set yourselves apart [10]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Patronus, Pre-Slash, There's A Tag For That
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:18:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8742136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomfix/pseuds/fandomfix
Summary: All they want to do is learn how to cast patronuses. But Hux wasn't expecting it to dig up long buried insecurities.





	

**Author's Note:**

> *pops out of hole* fandomfix here. Heyyyyyy guys. I am so freaking sorry that this story hasn't been updated in over a month. That is totally my fault. I went through a bit of drama is my personal life and unfortunately for frapandfurious and all of you, it happened right when it was my turn to post the next chapter. So i am super sorry that this is coming so late. Think of it as a early christmas present?
> 
> Anyway, hopefully you love it as much as i do!
> 
> EDIT: Two hours after I posted this, I realized I forgot to add it to the series. Good job self, good job XD

“So, why are we doing this again?”

Hux rolled his eyes. He knew that neither of his friends understood why it was so important to him to learn this spell. After all, when were they going to come into contact with dementors? When was the use of a patronus ever going to be something they needed?

But it was a difficult spell. It was a spell that asked you to call on your best memories, and it was a way of seeing what the inside of your soul looked like. What you held dearest. And Hux needed that. He needed to be the best and he needed to learn this spell and…

And dammit, he needed to stop thinking about his annoying crush so much.

It was getting out of hand is what it was. And getting Millie had only made it worse. Seeing Kylo with her, thinking of the way the boy’s whole face softened when Hux talked about her…it was _doing things_ to him. Hux didn’t have the mental fortitude to deal with that right now.

Hence the sudden demand that his two friends join him in learning how to cast a patronus.

“We’re doing this because I said so, and you both know it isn’t a bad idea.”

Phasma and Kylo both rolled their eyes. He wasn’t really all that shocked. If there were ever two people who didn’t respond well to “because I said so” it was them. But Hux was _not_ going into the reasons for this decision, when the whole point was to _ignore_ his feelings.

So he nodded his head and continued on to the empty classroom, assuming that they would follow.

He only smirked a little bit when they did.

“I don’t know why I even need to be here,” he heard Kylo mutter. “I’ve tried this spell before and it never works.”

He turned his head to listen better, but otherwise stayed quiet. Phasma laughed gently. “Yes, but did you have the memory of our glorious selves when you tried it before?”

There was silence for a moment, and then a huff before Hux heard footsteps coming toward him. Phasma dropped the whole weight of her arm onto his shoulders as they reached their destination.

“It isn’t a bad idea, darling. You just seemed very adamant about it and I personally want to know what brought this on.”

Hux ignored her. She had been doing this a lot lately. Saying things that made it clear she knew about him. He wasn’t even sure how she figured out about his crush. He had been so subtle. But this was Phasma, and the whole reason they became friends in the first place was her intelligence. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised.

He opened the door, moving away enough to let her arm drop, and turned to look at his friends.

“You both know the wand movement, right?” He asked, pulling his own wand out.

“Yes, yes,” Phasma sighed as she rolled her eyes. “Wave your hand in a circle, think of a wonderful thought, and say ‘ _Expecto Patronum.’_ It’s not exactly secret.”

Kylo chuckled from where he collapsed into a seat. “Any merry little thought?”

“Would you both stop?” Hux huffed. He directed his frustrated gaze toward Phasma. “You know it’s more difficult than that.”

She just smiled at him, walking over to Kylo and pulling him out of his seat. The three of them proceeded to push the desks to one side, allowing more space to work. Once that was done, they stood in a circle.

“Alright then,” he said, clapping his hands together. “Remember, try to think of your happiest thought. And Phasma, I swear to Merlin if you make any more jokes about that I will stab my wand in your eye just to see what happens.”

Kylo and Phasma stifled their laughter, but got their wands out obediently.

Standing in the circle, they each closed their eyes. Hux couldn’t know what the others were thinking, but for himself, he thought of the first time he talked to Phasma. The way it had felt to have someone who wanted to be in his company. The way his heart had lifted for the first time—possibly ever—and he had known that he finally had a friend. Smiling, he opened his eyes and while moving his hand in a slow circle, recited the spell.

Nothing happened.

He watched Kylo and Phasma do the same thing.

Phasma’s wand did nothing. A tiny bit of wispy smoke came out of Kylo’s wand, but dissolved so quickly that Hux wasn’t sure if he just imagined it.

They looked at each other, and Hux saw disappointment reflected in their faces. At least he hadn’t been the only one expecting something to happen.

“Well,” Kylo said, with an intent look at Hux. “It _is_ a difficult spell. I think it would have been strange if any of us got it on the first try.”

Hux nodded, but couldn’t help the glimmer of disappointment. At least Kylo had gotten something to come out of his wand.

‘ _But he already said he’s attempted it before’_ a voice in his head tried to say. It was quickly drowned out by the voice of his parents, telling him how he was never good enough. Never top of the class, because he struggled in one or two courses. Never strong or quick enough for quidditch.

“Hey,” Phasma’s voice called, pulling him back from his dark thoughts. They were both looking at him with concern. “It was only our first try, darling. Don’t write us off yet.” She smiled, worry in her eyes but a hopeful twist to her lips. Hux nodded. She was right. His memory just wasn’t good enough. Too long ago to remember the full feeling of joy, too buried under the sad moments of the following years. He would just have to try harder.

He would just have to be better.

*

And so it went. They had been trying almost every night for the past two weeks now. February was about to bleed into March and yet only Kylo had made any type of obvious improvement. He had managed to make a solid silvery mass come out of his wand every time now. He still claimed his memory wasn’t happy enough, but Hux and Phasma told him he had no right to complain.

Neither of them had managed to do anything other than produce silver wisps when they tried the spell. Phasma said it was because they were Slytherins and that obviously meant they didn’t know joy. Kylo kept telling her that she was full of it and that _she_ had no right to complain.

But it was starting to get to Hux. He knew he didn’t have a happy childhood. He knew that until he met Phasma he had never even understood the concept of being truly happy. But he had tried everything. The first meeting with Phasma, the day he received his OWLS scores, the day he knew that Millie was his.

He’d even tried the memory of becoming friends with Kylo, despite their rough beginnings. But despite the way his heart picked up speed whenever he thought about those early days of their friendship, nothing happened. The spell continued to give him nothing but disappointment.

Today was the final straw.

They’d been at it for about an hour now. Kylo’s spell kept getting more and more solid, yet still formless. Phasma’s was still wisps of smoke, although they seemed more solid with each passing moment. And even though they kept telling him that his was getting larger, he didn’t believe it.

‘ _Expecto Patronum!’_

He didn’t realize what was happening at first. Kylo said the words, his voice deep and clear like always. In all honesty, Hux hadn’t even heard it. It was just soothing background noise at this point.

When suddenly there was a wild cat striding toward him.

It wasn’t huge. Probably the size of a mountain lion, or a little smaller. With a large tail and spots all around its body. It had a wide snout and small ears,  and Hux couldn’t help but think it was lovely. And then he looked into its eyes.

It had come to stop in front of him, standing and staring at him curiously. There was a silence around him, a silence that he wasn’t noticing. He was too focused on the large, soulful eyes that were looking up at him. They were dark and interested and that obnoxious voice inside Hux’s head felt the need to chime in.

‘ _They’re just like Kylo’s’_

The cat reached up, lifting one paw out toward Hux as if to touch him, when it finally dissipated.

“Holy shit,” he heard Kylo whisper next to him. It was enough to bring him back to the present. He shook himself, looking first at Kylo, who stood in shock. He could only look at those eyes for a moment though, before diverting his gaze across to Phasma. She looked surprised, but there was a smile already beginning to form.

“I would have thought Hux would be the one with the cat patronus,” she laughed. She rushed over to Kylo, shaking his shoulders. “Well done, Ky!”

Kylo smiled, seeming to come out of a daze. But Hux didn’t see that. All he could see was that cat, walking toward him confident and solid and _fully formed._

“I think that’s enough for tonight,” he murmured, turning to leave the room. He didn’t say anything else, didn’t bother to look back at the no doubt surprised looks on both of his friends’ faces.

If he felt the smallest bit guilty about that, he had no one to blame but himself.

*

Kylo found him outside. He hated the cold, but although he never went out on the grounds this late, he needed to get out. Needed to get away from the school and away from his friends and away from his own insecurities.

Because of course it was stupid of him to be so upset. It wasn’t like Kylo had conjured that patronus to spite him. In fact, he didn’t think Kylo had a spiteful bone in his body…at least with regards to Phasma and Hux. But still, he had seen that patronus, the thing that he had wanted to learn how to do, and had needed to get away. Needed to go stew on his shortcomings.

He hadn’t been able to conjure one. Couldn’t seem to come up with a happy enough memory.

Maybe something was wrong with him. Maybe he just wasn’t meant to have a solid patronus.

“There you are.”

He looked up. Striding toward him, bundled in the bloody cloak Hux gave him at Christmas, was Kylo. He walked with purpose, lights from the castle casting him in shadow. It was enough to take Hux’s breath away and make his heart pick up speed. He tried not to flinch when he felt Kylo sit down next to him.

“Hey,” Kylo said, voice soft and worried. He leaned his head down, trying to catch Hux’s eyes. Hux moved his gaze each time, but Kylo wasn’t so easily ignored. He never had been, even before Hux’s heart decided to get involved. The boy reached out, his leather gloves touching Hux’s cheek. He turned his head to look at him, and all Hux could do was stare.

He hadn’t allowed himself to be this close to Kylo since they started practicing. It was all part of his plan to put distance between them. All it seemed to have done was make him miss the other boy more and more. As he stared at Kylo, who looked at him with so much worry, he said the first thing that came to mind.

“You really do have the same type of eyes as your patronus.”

Kylo leaned back in surprise, but his hand remained on Hux’s cheek. He thought about mentioning it, but that would mean Kylo would pull away and he wasn’t ready for that yet.

“What?” He chuckled, looking at Hux. His thumb was slowly stroking at Hux’s hairline and Hux decided that he was _never_ going to mention this. If Kylo stopped, he might just let himself stay out here and freeze to death.

He was quiet for too long, causing Kylo to lean back in. Only a little, only enough to keep their gazes locked.

“What happened back there? You aren’t one for jealousy, Hux.”

He looked down, not wanting to meet Kylo’s gaze. How to explain to him. How to explain to someone who has always been loved, how it feels to realize nothing you have is happy enough? To realize you don’t have enough happiness inside to make something as silly as a patronus appear.

But he tried.

“It wasn’t jealousy. It’s just…”Kylo’s thumb stopped moving, He stared at him, waiting for him to continue. Patience wasn’t something used to describe Kylo, but he seemed to want nothing more than to sit and listen to Hux.

“It’s just…I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it. Nothing is happy enough. _I’m_ not happy enough.”

The words barely left his mouth before Kylo said, “That’s bollocks.”

He finally locked eyes with Kylo again. The other boy was looking at him intensely, almost as if he wanted to send all his thoughts to Hux.

“Don’t ever think you aren’t enough, Hux. Don’t…don’t let anyone, even yourself, let you think that you can’t have happiness. That you _don’t_ have happiness. You have Phasma and you have Millie and you’re smart and you can do anything. Just forget what you _think_ makes you happy. Think about everything you are, think about what you’ve become without your family’s expectations. Those are your happy memories. Those will make it work for you.”

They stared at each other, and Hux felt like some sort of nonverbal spell had been cast over them. If he leaned forward just a little bit, or if Kylo did, they would be kissing. They would be having their first kiss on the grounds outside Hogwarts. Hux could feel the swooping of his stomach at the thought.

“What about you?” He whispered, as his breath picked up speed. The look of confusion Kylo gave him made him continue.

“I once told you that my friendship with Phasma meant a great deal to me. Well, yours does too. You said I have Phasma. Do I have you?”

They eyes hadn’t left each other. But suddenly Kylo dropped his hand, his eyes moving as well as he looked away from Hux out onto the grounds.

“Of course you have me. Why even ask that?” He glanced at Hux out of the corner of his eye. “Don’t ever question it, Hux.”

Hux’s heart was still beating wildly, but the spell was broken. He smiled at Kylo and put his hand down next to where Kylo’s had dropped. They sat in silence for several minutes, before finally deciding to go inside. The smile never quite left his lips.

*

“Kylo, you are excused from today’s lessons.” Phasma said as they entered the classroom again.  She had seemed unperturbed by Hux’s quick exit the day before. She acted as if nothing had happened when discussing practice today.

Kylo grinned at them, going to sit on a desk and watch. It was just coincidence that he sat down directly in Hux’s eye line.

Phasma went first, doing the wand movements and saying the spell. The wisps that come out her wand were larger, more solid, and much bigger than anything Hux had expected. Yet still it was formless. Once it dissipated, she gestured at Hux to go as well.

He took a deep breath. Kylo was right with what he said. He needed to stop letting anyone else’s expectations get in the way of this. They kept telling him his attempts were getting better, and so he closed his eyes. He wasn’t even surprised when the first memory that came to him was the conversation from last night. The feel of Kylo’s hand on his cheek and that moment when he thought they might kiss. When Kylo told him not to question their friendship. He acted as if it was obvious that they would always be together in some way or another.

‘ _Expecto Patronum!’_

At first he thought it was a formless mass again. But then he saw it begin to settle. It was nothing like he expected.

Momentarily, he thought it was a cat after all, before he realized that it was too low to the ground. It was long and sleek. With tiny ears and a whiskery nose and little clawed feet.

It was quite frankly adorable. Hux watched it run around, looking as if it was swimming through air, and thought he should feel more self-conscious than he did.

“That’s an otter,” Kylo said. He was watching it, seeming unsure what to make of the creature as it settled next to him, before disappearing.

He heard Phasma start cackling and turned to look at her. He finally felt some measure of embarrassment, knowing she was never gonna let him live this down.

“Oh, oh my,” she gasped, trying desperately to calm down. “It’s perfect. It’s little and skinny and thinks it’s terrifying. Just like you!”

He glared at her, ignoring the snort he heard from Kylo.

“I think I’ve found my happy memory, cause I’m never gonna forget that. Let me try again!”

He sighed, fighting not to let her see the smirk on his face.

It went away when she succeeded in casting the spell.

At first he believed it was formless again, before realizing that no, the form was _growing_. Getting so large that it took up most of the open space they’d been using.

He watched in awe as an elephant appeared, his eyes widening. When he looked over at Phasma, she didn’t even look surprised.

He wanted to say something. He didn’t know what. Maybe congratulate her, maybe comment on how he’d never heard of a patronus that size. Of course she had to go and ruin the moment.

“Wow,” she said calmly, nodding her head. “I never thought _I’d_ be the one with the elephant in the room.”

Kylo shoved her, as she started cackling again. Hux rolled his eyes.

He tried not to dwell on how neither of them questioned what she was talking about.

**Author's Note:**

> Several months ago in the beginning stages of this AU, i posted [this](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com/post/146581683622/obsessions-and-dreams-look-at-those-soulful-eyes) on tumblr. So anyone who remembers that post sort of got a sneak peek of what was to come.
> 
> For those that are interested:  
> Kylo=Clouded Leopard  
> Hux=River Otter  
> Phasma=Elephant (i envisioned an Asian elephant, but honestly it doesn't matter, as long as it has giant ears, a huge trunk, and she's unphased by it)
> 
> Come say hey on [our](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com) [tumblrs](http://obsessions-and-dreams.tumblr.com)!


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